My father raped me since I was 12 and I don't know what to do, help PLEASE!?
It all started when I was 11 years old. I was asked my dad to take me to the movies and he responded with a no and told me to ask my mom. She said it was OK and then I asked my dad to take me there again because she was at work. He was going somewhere and I was bitching at him because he would take me so he got mad. He grab a pair of my brother's drum sticks and started to hit me with it. I started to run and I tripped. He started kicking me and hitting me with the drum sticks. My arms were bleeding and bruises on my ribs and thighs. He stopped after a while but a neighbor seen him and ran in. I cried out for help while he was beating me and luckily he heard me. The neighbor called the cops and my father was arrested. He got 1.5 years in prison and when he got out, he had a restraining order to be 200 yards away me for two months. After the two months he was back in the house. I was terrified fearing that he would hurt me again. My mother was mad because she blamed me for him being in jail. I matured while he was away and was different. A week and a half later, I remember sleeping inside my bedroom until I woke up to him on top of me and raping me. I tried to get out but he holds my hands down and said he would beat me twice as hard as the time he beat me and even kill me. I'm 15 now still he comes in late at night. He does this twice a week sometimes less. I try not to think about it but I always seem to do. I don't know what to do with my life. My family consists of 2 brothers and a younger sister. No one knows about what is happening or so I think no one knows and he only does it when hes drunk which is most of the time because he is an alcoholic. He acts as if he does nothing wrong and every time I try to talk about why he does it, he says it's ok and goes on with his life. Ever since, I started getting raped my grades have dropped to all F's and I don't even go home sometimes but I'm scared what will happen. I started to cut and pop ecstasy as a way to get away from reality and feel good and just forget it and live like nothings happening but I can't keep doing this. I contemplate of suicide everyday. I want to do something but I can't do anything that would jeopardize my family. I love my family but something has to stop. I'm afraid that my mom wouldn't listen and being looked different. I want to move out but its hard because I'm still a minor. I cut down on cutting and quit ecstasy because it's killing me also. I moved in with my aunt but was sent back after I got into a few fights. I was sent back and still get raped. I close my eyes and pretend I'm a sleep sometimes crying and feel like a trash after wards. I'm slowly dying inside but outside it seems like I'm just a normal girl. Life is a ***** and you die. That's my quote on life but can anyone help me so I can change my quote on life? Please!!!!!!!
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